Previously I left off at the pause in my diagnosis journey of waiting for a call to talk about my test results. At the end of the appointment the nurse was clear:
- We’ll send these samples off
- The results will be back by Friday
- I will call you on that day
- “Can I check you phone number [peers at screen] ends in XXXX? Yes? OK.”
- “We’ll speak on Friday.”
There is nothing more I can do other than carry on carrying on, put it to the back of my mind. I can compartmentalise things like that, bury them away. It’s a good thing in a way, let’s me focus, and at times it’s been a bad thing. I had plenty else to occupy my mind but for the next few days it’ll stop any possible distractions. Friday it is.
I write my first note on my diabetes journey. I share it on my blog and on Twitter. A few people get in touch, a couple to say (which is quite rare for these sorts of notes) I’ll be reading these with interest because…. It’s like a little network. Someone gets in touch to say they’re going to see their GP for a health check. I’ve joked before a KPI for me is every time I share something it makes one person take a moment to think whether they are OK too — and if they’re not do go see your doctor. A couple of people ask how I’m doing, which is nice of them. I am fine. I am the same as I was yesterday, the day before, the week before, and the year before. Nothing has changed. I’ve been living my life in ways that are good for my body and mind for a over a year. The only thing is now is just finding out how medicine can help me.
Friday — yesterday — is the day I am not compartmentalising. Today is the day I get the call. I was on a train early on, working remotely for the day.
On Friday my phone rang three times. Most of my chats are through video software on my computer, so when my phone rings a) it’s rare, and b) it’s usually for personal stuff.
Every time I heard the ring I picked up my phone. I do what I always do: I look at the screen and see if my phone recognises the number or if I recognise the number. If I don’t recognise the number I usually just let it ring out. They’ll leave a message if it’s a useful call. Two calls definitely weren’t the doctor’s surgery. One of the numbers I didn’t recognise. I expected the doctor’s surgery to be a Bradford number not a Leeds one. I was caught between leave it or answer it. I left it. The message was from the receptionist at my dentist.
I shut down from working at 4pm. I’d yet to receive the call. It never comes.
At the start of yesterday I thought I’d have some idea of the next move. But at the moment I don’t.
In work I do a lot of/about mapping out journeys. Steps is the word commonly used to describe the individual things people do as they move along the journeys we map out.
Steps in the journey can be reductionery in understanding what someone goes through in their current moment. It’s not a step to them. It is just the present. When a date and a time is given like I had, mentally you start to form around that moment. What will happen then? What could happen next? Movement not a step. What will the next move be?
I did a little of that — mentally going through some possibilities — yesterday when it came. I came out of the day not knowing. I now have to go through that again another day. The only difference is I don’t know when that will be.
Originally published at https://www.ermlikeyeah.com on March 7, 2020.